This morning I felt lost in my bible study. No, not the kind of lost where I lose track of time. The kind of post where I keep looking at the time reading a passage for the second time and still not actually comprehending what I just read.
I know you have these days too. Distracted by other thoughts and worries. A cup of coffee down and still trying to muster up joy. I look around and I know I have been blessed beyond what I deserve. I have all my basic needs met and I still am unfeeling. So I turn the pages back to a chapter in Psalms I have almost memorized not from discipline, but from frequency of visits.
I read Psalm 16. I copy it down on a 3×5 card. And there it is. Those words I am trying to live today. “I have no good apart from you” and “in your presence in fullness of joy.”
Why am I not getting it? Why don’t I feel joy? Why am I beginning to feel guilty that I don’t feel joy? This could end in a dangerous downward cycle.
I pray and ask for eyes opened.
I remember how Jesus has rescued me. I remember how God rescued the Israelites out of Egypt. I read earlier how the Holy Spirit was poured out on thousands of the first Christians. I still feel lost and like I’m missing something.
Then I hear it, “You are my chosen portion. I chose you. I choose you everyday. I called you clean and made a way of salvation for you just as I did for the Gentiles in Acts. Today, it’s your turn to choose.”
Though I have already chosen to believe in Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection, today I need to choose Him again. I need to choose Him as my portion, my cup, my joy, my daily bread, my manna that I wake up everyday to gather more of.
The Israelites did this in the desert for many years. They relied on God’s gift of life and sustainability everyday. If they didn’t gather, they would starve.
When I stop gathering and stop meeting with Jesus after I’ve been meeting regularly with Him, I begin to starve. I forget how to eat when I get distracted by the junk and worries that have filled me in place of Him.
If I want to go back to being filled, I need to start gathering and choosing the good stuff. I need to grab my basket and go gather the manna.
If you’re feeling unsatisfied in your walk with Jesus, I encourage you to go back to a time where you were being filled. Maybe that’s being surrounded by godly friends or revisiting a familiar passage. Maybe it looks like setting an alarm and meeting with Jesus as the sun rises or journaling prayers at night.
Whatever it is, make a choice today. Choose Jesus. Choose love. Choose whatever it is you need today.
“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:19 ESV